By Don W. Hillis

I want to make it clear that I am a Christian miniskirt. That is, I go to church every Sunday. What's more, I attend an evangelical Church. Of course, I am not the only Christian miniskirt in town. There are many others who go to my church.

Though we represent a variety of colors and patterns there is one thing we have in common. We all have a way of revealing attractive thighs, especially when the legs are crossed. They tell me that's the most comfortable way to sit.

Unless I am misreading the situation we seem to make our wearers a bit self-conscious. At least the girl who wears me is always tugging at my hem. Though I am not an expert on human nature, this appears to indicate some kind of complex.

I have also noted that we miniskirts have the ability to attract a good deal of masculine attention even at church. At first I took pride in the fact that men are fascinated by my pattern and color design. However, just this morning I heard the preacher say that this was not really what the young men (some not so young) were looking at. Though I was all ears when he started to preach, "The Appeal Of A Miniskirt," I was embarrassed before he was through.

He claimed that the miniskirt does not appeal to the aesthetic. According to him, there are dozens of other dresses more beautiful than I am. His blanket statement that miniskirts do not make an aesthetic, academic, economic, moral, or spiritual contribution to their wearers left me with a feeling that I was not such a great Christian after all.

He said the only appealing thing about me was my appeal to the flesh. Then he spoke for ten minutes on the carnality of human nature. He publicly accused me of contributing to the lust of the flesh. I felt a hard tug on my hem when he said that!

You could have heard a pin drop in the sanctuary when he quoted the following statement from Kerry Elliott:

"To flaunt sexuality in public is a betrayal of your femininity, not an endorsement. It is like playing the tuba on the subway to prove that you are a musician.

"It isn't honest to expose a man to the aroma of steak and apple pie..., and then accuse him of being a glutton because he licks his lips." I think everyone got the point.

I really blushed when he began asking questions about what we miniskirts did when we were out in the work-a-day world. He wondered what we thought our testimony amounted to in the presence of men who couldn't care less about feminine purity. He said it doesn't take much to trigger a man's thought in the direction of sex. That's why Jesus said, "He that looketh on a woman to lust after her bath already committed adultery in his heart."

The preacher claimed that there is nothing about a miniskirt that would suggest to the man on the street that the wearer's body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. He said that the Spirit-indwelt body should be adorned in modest apparel (I Tim. 2:9-10). Furthermore, he had secured some statistics from somewhere that prove that there is a vital relationship between miniskirts and the increase of rape in America. I began to feel as though I was abetting the crime wave.

I suppose it is the truth that hurts. That's why I hurried out of church this morning. I saw several other miniskirts slinking out, too.

I guess what we really need is to be converted into something more modest.